People say CrossFit is a cult. CrossFitters say its a lifestyle, a community. So which is true...? I don't know that there is an answer to that. I think there is definitely a cult aspect to it, the way we obsess, the way we are overly passionate about our wods (workouts), the way we swear CrossFit has changed our lives, and mostly the way we can no longer relate to "normal" people who don't do CrossFit.
As for the community...? I don't know. I guess that depends on which box (gym) you practice at maybe. I know that my most receent box was anything but a community. I know how quickly they dropped me the second my hip dysplasia took over, and the second I didn't play their games right in their little facebook group. And I know that those who were there for me when my pain and disability started, were those in my real community not my CrossFit community; My family was there for me, my friends were there for me (my real friends), and even some brand new friends that I met through my diagnosis were there for me a hell of a lot more than my "CrossFit community".
In terms of lifestyle, I think its more obsession than lifestyle. That is not to say it wasn't a good obsession. That is not to say, it wasn't a major life changing obsession. And that is not to say it didn't have truly amazing benefits and results in my life. But the thing is, that it took me being forced to stop training due to my hip condition, to realize how deeply my obsession/addiction had taken over my life.
At first when I could no longer train, I was deeply depressed. I was angry. I was desperate. And I was terrified I would lose all the gains I had made, and gain all the weight back that I had lost.
I began doing modified home wods for my upper body only, and I obsessively watched over my body in the mirror for any set backs or changes.
But once the pain in my hip got worse, once I could no longer walk more than two blocks or could no longer shop in a store due to total debilitating pain in my leg and hip, I began to slow down and I began to learn the lessons my hip was there to teach me. No longer did I want to do crossfit. No longer did I miss or long to be training again. I now missed living. I now missed walking, cooking, and being a functional mother to my kids. My life became about my diagnosis, about my treatment options, and about surviving each day in physical pain.
At some point down this path, at some point along this journey, I started to see my childrens' faces. I mean really seeing their faces. I started seeing our home, our walls, our rooms. I started seeing nature, the grass, the trees. I started seeing life.
It took a congenitally malformed hip to teach me to slow down. I always studied mindfulness. I taught my clients mindfulness. And I thought I practiced mindfulness. Maybe to some degree I did, but to other degrees I was certainly so caught up in CrossFit, that I was not being mindful, and I was not slowing down to pay attention.
I used to obsess over my Olympic lifts. I would obsess over when I was going to get a pull up. I was googling videos on the stuff, reading about it, going over and over my moves in my head and watching videos of them. My entire facebook life was about CrossFit. Every damn post lol.
And then I started living...really living. Looking at life as a blessing, relishing each precious word my kids would say, and adoring the man I married.
I would look at people's posts about their PR's and how much they can lift, and I would think "ok yay u can lift weight, but what are u contributing to the world. Did you do anything for someone today? Did you make a difference in the world". I know that comes off haughty of me, considering I probably wasn't contributing much to the world either, and honestly a lot of that way of thinking came from personal anger I held toward the people who were once my "community", but it also was directed toward myself. I would look at these posts and think to myself, "now I know what others were thinking when they saw all of my posts". I mean, now that I was no longer a CrossFitter, I was able to see it from an outsider's perspective. And let me tell you, I wasn't impressed. It's one thing when someone posts about a personal crossfit gain that happens to be really inspirational, because they overcame something big in their life, and its another to post every freaken damn moment of crossfit in their lives. I mean really, who cares?!!
Okay... I know I know.... I was totally one of them. But now I can see it! For the professional athletes and coaches I get it, it is their professional life and they need to advertise it. But for regular athletes like myself, I really do believe we forgot a whole other side or picture of our lives. Sure we were still taking care of our families and doing our jobs, but how much of us were really participating in those moments and how much of us were really thinking about crossfit back in the hidden brain.
Maybe it was just me. I don't know. Maybe others are better at balancing their lives. Maybe others do not have as addictive of a personality as I have. All I know is that I was highly addicted and obsessed, to the point where I lost whole other sides of myself, my life, my friends, and my family. And it took a dysplastic hip to make me realize.
So will I return to Crossfit if I am ever medically cleared to do so? I honestly don't know. I know CrossFit helped me get through this surgery and recovery by developing strength in my upper body to lift myself, and by getting me to a much healthier place pre-op, and I would love to be tight again and fit, but I would hate to be that obsessed. Is balance a possibility? Probably not. Not for me anyway....Because lets just face it, my personality does not allow me to do anything half assed or balanced. I'm a Libra! Whatever that means...lol.
So CrossFit or no CrossFit....I guess time will tell. But honestly, being that tight and fit is not number one on my priority list. Number one on my priority list....? Holding on to everything I have learned and continue to learn from this experience and being a better wife, mom, friend, and person, that is number one on my priority list.
No comments:
Post a Comment