Registration for surgery

This is by far one of the worst parts. They have U sitting and waiting for so long, and all U can think about is whats about to happen. As soon as I smelled the IV smell from another patient (U know that alcohol hospital smell?), I wanted to run away. I turned to my husband and said I changed my mind. I was petrified and emotional. From the moment we were leaving the house that morning, I had this dreadful fear of "what if I don't wake up?". 

I sat silently waiting, squeezing a stuffed doll I had brought in with me. My husband kept cracking jokes and taking awful pics of me, to keep me distracted, but I could barely talk. All I could do is stare straight ahead of me. 

And then it was time....I had to give my husband a hug and kiss good bye and head into surgery. I couldn't get out the words "I love you" to my husband because I was trying so hard not to break down and cry, and I knew that would do it. He smiled and waved at me calmly and took my stuff, as they wheeled me in to the operating room. I was fully awake and aware. That was nuts. I just kept blocking it all out so I wouldn't cry. As the anesthesiologist spoke, I silently said a prayer to G-d begging to him to get me through this and back to my husband and 4 girls. 
The craziest/scariest part, was when the anesthesiologist put the anesthesia in my IV and told me I would be asleep in 30 seconds. He said once I fall asleep, he will put a tube down my throat to keep me breathing. I remember feeling my body stop. Like I felt everything die. I remember silently praying that he put that tube in fast to keep me alive. I sensed him doing it right away, but didn't feel any of it and was out like a light.

When I woke in recovery, I remember the pain first hitting me. Like my bones everywhere were killing. The nurse kept telling me to push my pain pump as often as possible. I pushed it a lot. Took like half a bag of morphine by the time they transferred me to my room. I was so out. I think that's a good thing, even though I didn't like that out of control feeling it was better than feeling the pain. I plugged my earphones in to relaxing music and just meditated a lot with the music until I fell asleep.